Update on my broken heart. You are welcome.

A while ago I wrote that I hoped to still be a part of S’s family.
I have to admit that hope was fleeting and is now gone.
S is a person who everyone & their mother adores. And they should.
He is warm, kind, funny, and has a touch of mystery that adds to his appeal.
But the thing is, is he prioritizes himself & will never, ever be punished for his actions.
They are always excused and whoever he has hurt is the “crazy bitch”.
And even though the "crazy bitch" still cries herself to sleep at night, the “warm, kind, funny, mysterious guy” is already moving on. But it’s ok because “he is young & cute and it has been a couple of months.”

Hahaha. It has been a couple of months?

 

             What about just six months ago when he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me?

No big freaking deal, I guess.

Excuses.

 What is earth shattering (at least my version of earth) is thinking about never having that closeness again.

The intimacy (not necessarily sexual). The companionship. The guy who lets me pop his blackheads and laughs at my goofy voices.
I miss my best friend more than I can explain. And it KILLS me that he is gone.
And what absolutely DESTROYS me is realizing that he can't change because I am not the first one this has happened to.
But sometimes I’m so overwhelmed I can’t even catch my breath.
So all you people out there who have had their heart broken into a million little pieces, does it heal?
Will I ever get over this?
Will I ever stop loving him and be able to love another?
 

Or will I at least heal a little bit when my period starts?

 

Sorry for the emotional outcry.

This blog is my diary and like I said before, I'm not trying to air my dirty laundry, but god knows, honesty is the best policy. And ain't nobody wanna get on god's bad side.

 

Ok, let's get back to other shit.

Like the fact that I said that my weight was 155.7 yesterday when really it was 155.2.

Y'all KNOW that .5 pounds matters.

The cleanse went pretty well yesterday although around 8:40pm I had to just go to bed because my desire for chocolate was through the roof! Remind me never to cleanse on the brink of a menstrual cycle.

 

I got my girl back last night :) She has a really nasty cough. Poor thang.

 

 

Rosalie was out by 7pm because again, she did not nap. Little stinker.

Sleeping baby, neck rolls for days (me), and gigantic ta-ta's (me again).

 

Like I said, I put myself to bed at 8:45 so there was not a lot that got done.

Other than watching the Pitt game...and I WAS PISSED BECAUSE ROSALIE KEPT SAYING "GO NINERS". Her dad had her for far too long. Now I have to start all over with "Go Giants!".

Tough times, I tell ya.

 

I did get to lounge around in the comfiest/ugliest pants of all times:

 

I'm sure I'll have a boyfriend any day now.

 

When I woke up this morning, I had a SPLIT LIP.

 

I can still taste the blood.

Maybe Ro will think I'm "Vampire Elmo".

 

Well guys. Sorry for the ultra depressing blog.

I am not trying to be a "crazy bitch", I'm just trying to be honest. Which is what I've always done.

I have no hatred for S, like I've said many times, he gave me the greatest thing I have ever received. A diamond ring Rosalie.

 

See how I make jokes??

 

Ok, here is a Day 2 of the Cleanse self portrait:

 

Jeans & a sweatshirt. I'm coming for ya, Fall!

 



Ok, Hiskey out. I'll be back tomorrow with a lot less whining.