Cranky Cleansing

Heya'll (one word, like Brangelina).

Yesterday I started my second 10 Day Advocare cleanse. All is fair in love and war, right? All should be freaking fair in cleansing. I was a bit raging b*tch yesterday.

Let's start with Sunday. I woke up (hung over) and made it to the grocery store looking like a SCRUB. I know what you meant TLC. I shopped for cleanse food & had resigned to make these egg muffin things. Basically: egg whites, turkey bacon, & spinach. Put in muffin pan and bake at 350 for around 20 minutes.

Disclaimer: I FREAKING HATE EGGS. I can count the amount of times I've eaten them & enjoyed them on one hand - and this is basically because Matty is a BAMF and cooks them in bacon & sausage grease with about a pound of cheese. Needless to say, they do not taste like chicken embryos, they taste like heaven.

^^This little bastard tastes like chewy dog sh*t

 

Waste of freaking money. Fast forward to Monday: I woke up at 7:10. I have to work at 8:00. This resulted in me looking like this:



    

Then I tasted my egg concoction and wanted to die.

 

Hence, the cranky cleanse.

 

I'm happy to report I am in much better spirits today. I have pooped twice - thanks to these bad boys:

 

Advocare Herbal Cleanse pills. PUSH THAT SH*T OUT.

 

 

And even thought I woke up at 6:00 this morning, I still managed to have a giant pimple! YAY.

 

I'm 25 freaking years old. NOT 15. Ugh.

 

Alas, gentle readers, I am doing well. Let's get serious for a minute:

 

I forget how much I really do love eating clean. My body responds so well to it. I know I'm only on Day 2, but I am just such a gigantic fan.

 

I'm seriously loving my new Brooks running shoes. It's like jogging on a cloud (but with more jiggling).

 

I have started a weight lifting regime to tame the wings (you know, the place on your arms where your triceps should be). Thanks Racho for the guidance.

 

And last, but not least - I've started stalking yet ANOTHER person on Instagram, and I ADORE HER HAIR. I have a hair appt. on May 11 and am thinking how nice short hair would be for summer. I would keep my color, but what do y'all think of her cut:

 







Ah. Of course the pic is way small. Mother trucker.

 

 

Anyway, I got werk to do (again, employee of the year...).

Peace & love.

Gettin' down on Friday

Good mornin' ladies & gays! I am avoiding working like the plague, so I thought I'd share with you my last couple of days (and I'll try not to do it in a list).

Let's start with: I CANNOT wait to start cleansing again, I need to clean up these eating habits like  republicans need to clean up their act (I shouldn't have said that...). The worst part is I do really well and then one meal I SNAP & make a bad, bad decision. C'est la vie.

So, Wednesday was Admin Day (I hope you all remembered your lackeys and treated them with decency) - My bosses not only gave me a raise, but $100 for working my butt off (this doesn't count today). I burned through that hundo in about 24 hours and bought these bad boys:

Brooks Adrenaline GTS 13 <3

 

I want to preface this purchase with a little story - Jen & I decided to go shoe shopping last night after work. We were headed to the Eugene Running Company to buy my Brooks Babies, but I knew I was going to have to run on a dreadmill in front of people. So, we stopped at PF Changs first and had a drank. Or two. Remember my story about drunken planks? Try drunken running :) After I purchased my beauties, we may or may not have had just one more drink. WHOOPS.

 

While momma was drinking and spending money like she's Kim Kardashian, my BB was doing this:
 



If you're wondering: yes, it is hard being the mother of the cutest girl in the world.

 

 

I'm sure y'all are wondering why I bought new running shoes (or maybe not, whatev) - but I was wearing these cute little Nike's that are great for general walking or weight lighting, but the second I got on a treadmill or an elliptical, my toesies fell asleep! WTF. So hopefully my Brooks Babies will do work and I can be the champion I was meant to be.

 

Here's another little diddy from this week: has anyone else had Mexican food for lunch and dinner? (that's a stupid question, only the entire country of Mexico) Well, I should not be allowed to have Mexican food twice in one day. I. Cannot. Handle. It. I would BATHE in Mexican food if I could, so when a taco or burrito glances my way, I put it in. my. belly. And then I KEEP EATING. So, Wednesday came - and Shawn & I got Mexican for lunch and then his mom made Mexican food for dinner. And one of those giant choc chip cookies (I had about half the cookie). Was Wednesday a success? No. Was it a failure? No. Why? Because I didn't quit. I haven't given up on this adventure & no matter how many times I fall off the wagon, I will get up and get my ass back in said wagon.

 

^^See that? That is back sweat. That is me driving the damn wagon.

 

 

And just to make your heart smile:

 

 

Tomorrow is the Spring Game for the Oregon Ducks - 3 cans of food to get in and it's donated to Lane County (which means there is less food for me to binge on, yay!). Come support your Ducks! See y'all there...

 

Happy Friday, mother truckers.





 

Updates for everyone!

Good afternoon, gentle readers!

Thought I'd hit you up with a quick update:

1. I am in possession of the Advocare 10 Day Cleanse. One of my besties, Racho, ordered hers today and because she's a major wuss, I have to wait for her.

2. I found (another) neat little equation for finding out how many calories you burn (in case you're too poor like me and can't afford a Garmin):

(weight in lbs.) X (.096) = cals burned per minute

 

Then times the calories burned per minute by how many minutes you work out and voila! You can track them like a crazy person.

 

3. I have epically failed on my running as of late. After hitting two continuous miles, I have struggled ever since. I really need to invest in new running shoes, but as they are pushing $150, I have to save my doll-hairs (thanks Mama Laughlin). It sucks when you're trying to run like freaking Forest Gump and your toes are asleep. Lame.

 

4. I apparently really like lists.

 

Anyway, I went away to Canby this past weekend and had a lovely time. I ate like a cow and drank like a fish, but I went on two long walks so I felt as if I didn't totally undo everything. Except............I may or may not have gotten a chocolate milkshake from Burgerville on the drive home Sunday night. WHOOOOOOOOOOPS.

 

I got to hang out with my "Auntie" Joan (second cousins) who has lost 67 lbs. and looks AMAZE-BALLS. Seriously folks, check her out with my cutie-pie:

 

Joan's story is so inspirational. If any of you are on My Fitness Pal, go find her: jb_2011

 

My fiance is so scary (not).

 

Ok, last but not least - I'm assuming everyone reading this blog is my friend on Facebook (because there's probably like 4 of you and all of you are related to me, I digress...), I have coined "No Weigh May" because 1. I'm a genius and 2. I'm sick and tired of my scale dictating my life. So, join me and my friend, Michelle, in #noweighmay (disclaimer: depending on when I start and finish the Advocare cleanse, I may have to weigh once in May to find out my results...I know, I suck and am uncommitted to that which I preach). In all seriousness, I can't wait to have Shawn hide my scale so I can't drag it out before & after I've eaten dinner to see how much I gained in a single sitting. It's sick, really.

 

So, I'll just leave you with this little diddy:

She's so not the ham I am. Whatevz.

 

Peace out cub scouts!

 

 

 

 



Just some numbers for y'all

Before Advocare Challenge:

1/22/2013
Right Arm: 12.5"
Shoulders: 47.5"
Chest: 45"
Waist: 38.5"
Hips: 44.5"
Right Thigh: 23.5"
Right Calf: 15.5"
Weight: 181.3

After Advocare Challenge:

2/19/2013
Right Arm: 13"
Shoulders: 42"
Chest: 42.75"
Waist: 36"
Hips: 43"
Right Thigh: 21.75"
Right Calf: 14.5"
Weight: 170

Continuing with Advocare and working MY BUTT OFF:

3/12/2013
Right Arm: 12"
Shoulders: 43.5"
Chest: 42"
Waist: 34.5"
Hips: 41.5"
Right Thigh: 22"
Right Calf: 14.5"
Weight: 160.5

Kickin' ass and takin' names.

These are my confessions...

1. No, much to your dismay, I am not Usher.

2. I have not done the 30 Day Shred since April 5th. That would mean I did only 12 days of the THIRTY Day Shred. Not the 12 Day Shred. If only it were that easy.

3. I submitted Rosalie to a Cutest Of Them All Contest on www.kduk.com (our local crap radio station).

4. ^^^I did not tell Shawn.

5. I ate worse than I have since September on Sunday. Hang overs + Aunt Flow = 2 Sausage McMuffins, 2 hash browns, 1 mocha, 4 pieces of pepperoni pizza, 1 bag of Kettle Korn - the Healthy Pop kind. Awesome (womp womp).

6. This morning, instead of grabbing my gym clothes, I just looked at my running shoes and kept on walking.

7. I have had 2 Sparks (www.advocare.com), 2 cups of coffee, and a latte today. My eyeballs still aren't functioning properly.

8. I shamelessly plug my blog. I had to manually sign my mom and my coworkers up to receive it via e-mail. YOU'RE WELCOME.

9. I pick fights with my spouse and then get REALLY butthurt that he gets upset with me. This usually happens once a month. Three guesses why.

10. I'm so lazy that I call Shawn from upstairs to bring me ANYTHING from downstairs.

When I read through these, I get a good chuckle (because I'm damn funny). But ultimately, I see them as the things I need to adjust in my life. Like, maybe don't get so drunk on Saturday night that I have to eat complete JUNK on Sunday (I promise, this is raaaare). And maybe don't excuse being a b*tch to my fiance because I've started my period. But in reality folks, I'm not freaking perfect - I'm just aiming to be the best version of myself.

One last thing: My eating hasn't been great lately. I am going to be cleaning that up again with the Advocare cleanse. I'm REALLY hoping this is going to push me into the 150s! Freaking excited. Watch out summa-time.

I'm listening to country music today.

I don't know what led me to type in "Tim McGraw" into my Pandora this afternoon, but it happened, and I'm dealing with it.

I grew up in Canby. One of my best friends was Amy. Another was Beth. They like country. I was exposed - and sometimes I feel reminiscent. Apparently, that's what's happening today. Whatevz.

SO. Some news for you all:

I have signed up to be an Advocare Distributor! What does that mean? That means that YOU can go to www.advocare.com and say WHY, YES I KNOW A DISTRIBUTOR. Type in my name (Michelle Hiskey) and the city in which I live (Eugene, OR - creepers), and you can order product! I know, I'm so nice, I'M DOING THIS FOR ALL Y'ALL.

In all honesty, if you have been struggling with energy, weight loss, weight management, or overall wellness - Advocare is worth looking in to. I adore it. It's changed my life in more ways than one. If you have any questions, please contact me - I'd be happy to chat with you about it. And if I can't explain (because I'M SO ELOQUENT), I know some peeps that'll bestow their expertise on ya. Should be fun!

***If anyone is interested in doing the Advocare Cleanse, I will be putting myself to the test again. And with a couple of friends. I think we're going to start around April 29th. Power in numbers peeps.

I'll also try and post some clean-eating recipes that will get you through your cleanse. Woop woop.

Well, folks, have a great weekend.

I'll just leave you with my photoshoot with Rosalie from this morning:

 

YOU ARE WELCOME.

Slow and steady wins the race

Well, it's been a while (I know - I suck at this blogging thing) - go follow someone like Mama Laughlin (www.mamalaughlin.com) or Skinny Meg (www.skinnymeg.com). Now those are real bloggers. And also some of the most motivating people I have ever met read.

So let's just update everybody on where I'm at:

-I'm weighing in at 163.5 (I'm almost positive the 162.5 was a fluke at this point)...
-My jeans are falling off of me (#firstworldproblems) (did I just hashtag in a blog?)...
-I'm on Day 12 of the 30 Day Shred, I've started Level 2 (it makes me want to die) (I've DEFINITELY taken days off)...
-I started a new challenge yesterday (see below) (going to be so sore by the end of this dang thing)...

-Today, I ran TWO miles without stopping. It was the highest high I have EVER had (no, I haven't done a lot of drugs...any drugs...I'm old...)!

And just a comparison, which I know isn't going to be a big difference but suck it up and deal with it, folks:

3/4/13

 

4/5/13

 

I know the second pic is farther away from the mirror, but I see progress! Or what is it the car mirrors say? Objects may appear larger...or is it closer? OR IS THIS A REALLY BAD JOKE? You decide. I'm out.

 

Peace & love folks!