Coming at you from my high horse...

I'm writing to you now with my ass literally stuck up against a space heater.
My office needs a new HVAC system & windows like nobody's bidness.

Yesterday was a pretttty great day.
Since the weather was beyond gorg, my coworker & I went on a run around 2pm.

We were out at the local HS, running around the track for a solid 45 minutes.
Running outside is a whole new world folks & I literally have to repeat to myself "you can do hard things" over & over - just to put one foot in front of the other.
But I did it & I felt exhilarated afterwards - with a little bit of help from my old friend, Katy Perry. I mean c'mon, "Roar" is a great jam......

ANYBOP.

When I got back to work, I had an e-mail from my boss:

He said he thought I would appreciate this.

You can bet your bottom dollar I do! Hollllla.

I'm sure you've all seen that thing going around Facebook (or getting e-mails about it from your Auntie) about the ex-Oregon-player who attended the UCLA game and was appalled by Oregon fans.

I just want to say that those fans are everywhere - football, basketball, golf (haha), but not all of us are giant pieces of shit.

I support the Ducks regardless of whether we are 0-12 or 12-0.

So if you are one of those fans that boo your team or threaten your QB's life, maybe calm down & be supportive. Hashtag GO DUCKS.

 

I guess I'll get off my high horse now :)

 

I ate LIKE A CHAMP yesterday.

Had a protein smoothie for breakfast, a Think Thin bar for a snack, Green Giant's antioxidant blend & their veggie/potato blend for lunch, & leftover spaghetti for dinner.

I was so impressed with myself. And then it hit me...........

Sarah was there to supply me with chocolate when I thought I was going to pass out from the cravings.
Not twenty minutes later...

Six fun-sized Milky Ways, DOWN THE HATCH.

Ok ok, let's also not forget that this happened seconds later:

Trader Joe's gummy bears.
What is wrong with me?!?! Oh I know, MENSTRUATION IS A SON-O-BITCH.

Amazingly enough, I didn't go over my calories yesterday.
But ya know, racking up an extra 500 calories in candy is not the best idea I've ever had.
But today is a new day!
(Shit! Today is Halloween...)


And on that note, here is my Halloween selfie.
The only day I deem acceptable to mix orange & black clothing...

Happy Halloween mother truckers, I hope you all have a safe holiday!!

Pray that I don't steal all of Rosalie's Reeses...

P.S. My "......" are getting a little excessive...........

Losing my Religion

Ok. It is Wednesday. The day of the camel.
I have a few things to discuss.

1. It is hard having relationships. I don't mean BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP (#singleforlife). I just mean it is hard to be a friend, hard to be a mom, hard to be a daughter.

There is always room to fuck up. To hurt someone or to be hurt. For disappointing or being disappointed. To be stabbed in the back or to do the stabbing.

I feel like the last few months, I've been losing my religion. Not like the song. Or like, God. Just the thing that makes me, me. So, in light of recent developments AKA not talking about my break-up anymore (it has been since Thursday, I'd say I'm successful 78% of the time)...I am trying to rebuild who I once was. And that includes being a better friend.

My newest affirmation from my therapist.

I will do the best I can with the understanding, knowledge & awareness I have.

2. I went to drinks with my coworker Jen last night. It was SO great to rekindle our bond. We have both been very busy with our lives (damn kids) - so it was great to sit & chat for a couple hours. I also discovered I have an innate ability for napkin art:

A rose is still a rose by any other name.

NAPKIN.

3. After sharing with y'all that I was up 10 pounds from my last Advocare cleanse (which put me at 159 lbs. for those of you keeping up (with the Kardashians)), I weighed myself this morning to check in on things:

154.8

MUCH BETTER.

 

I think I am ready to make the final push. I would like to lose another 30 pounds. Not impossible. It will be brutal, but not impossible.

 

4. I feel like this may have been inappropriate for work............

 

I wore a shirt over it, but that shirt was sheer.

So....

 

5. Last, but certainly not least is probably the laziest seflie I have ever taken:

 

Doesn't get a lot better than this.

 

And that is all I got for you today folks!

If you need me you can find me at work suffering through Aunt Flow & dreading my run today.

PEEEEEEEEACE.





Elk Heads & Butt Dials. Happy freaking Tuesday.

Good morning & happy worst day of the week.
On the agenda today? Getting through these damn statements at work, a therapy sesh, & ODing on VD when I get home from work.
I feel like many people are going to be jealous of my schedule (say that like you're British).

Yesterday was a success.
I got back on My Fitness Pal & stayed within my calorie limit.
I went to the gym and ran 2.5 miles.
I drank a gallon of water.
And you know what? I FELT AMAZING.
What didn't feel amazing? Driving back to work and spotting this behind the shop (JENNI, DON'T LOOK):

Do you see Marvin the Elk (head) hanging out on the edge of our dumpster?

Yeah. That's how white trash my office is (gotta love 'em).

So. Here is to day two of feeling amazing (minus the working out because I have to go get my crazy on with Sal) (Marvin is STILL there, but now frozen).

When I got home yesterday, Niki came over & we made spaghetti for dinner.
We used organic whole wheat pasta, lower sugar marinara sauce, and a yogurt Caesar dressing. I felt really good about the whole thing.
I'm sure Niki did too - she ate nearly half loaf of sourdough bread. I only had 1/4th of a slice. BOO-YEAH!

After dinner, Rosalie begged me to paint her fingernails.
I had my suspicions about this - but she was a champ & we got through it with flying colors.

I think she feels pretty fancy now.
Cutie-pie.

Well. I don't have a lot for you.
I am very tired because SOMEONE ACCIDENTALLY BUTT-DIALED ME 3X AT 5:00AM (ahem, baby daddy, ahem).
What can ya do?

See ya tomorrow for HUMP DAY.

 

IS THAT A HICKEY?

Ok, as per Rebecca's request, I am coming at you with my life in pictures.
Let's start with what I did the majority of this weekend:

Cried HYSTERICALLY about Vampire Diaries.

I wish I was making that up.

But my SnapChats would prove otherwise........

 (I actually bought a box of Kleenex, it was getting so bad.)

 



Oh. Also. This happened last week...(sorry for being so random).

Doesn't everybody use napkins as a bib at work to avoid spilling soup down their sweater?

No? Weird.

 

That same day, I took some really flattering pictures of myself.

Gosh. It doesn't get better than this.

 

Wanna know something funny?

One of my friends was telling me they found a message to their spouse from his friend.

It said: "Just read Michelle's blog with the application/requirements for men. Women are crazy."

Glad my blog has such a good vibe.

 

ANYWAY. Friday night got pretty cray.

Sarah & I stalked ESPN's Game Day crew and the Oregon football team.

In front of the Game Day set.

 

The BFF & I.

 

Sarah was SO concerned people weren't lining up for Game Day yet.

It was 7pm...the day before.

So...

 

Although I believe we did SEE Kirk Herbstreit at the hotel over by Valley River Center, but we never got to meet him.

Sarah even tweeted him, suggesting we meet up. He never got back to us.

So odd.

 

After we located the football team, we headed home to rest up.

Which means I watched FIVE episodes of Vampire Diaries.

We woke up at 5:15 the next morning to hit up Starbucks before Game Day started.

Prettiest girls in all the land.

Hashtag no make up Hashtag it was fucking early.

 

I indulged in a Chonga bagel with cream cheese.

Holy. Crap. I gained 20 lbs. but it was worth it.

 

And then, I maaaaaaaaaaaaaybe slept through about an hour and a half of Game Day.

Sorry Sarah. Looks like I need some crack to stay awake that early.

After Mrs. Barrett left me, I built a fiyaaaaa (that's fire for those of you who aren't down with the lingo):

Sidenote: Don't leave your pumpkins that close to an open flame.

:(

 

My parents got into town & my dad and I walked down to Autzen for the game.

We had a lovely time (I STILL have a sore throat from yelling so much).

Here is photographic evidence that I was in attendance:

My faja & I.

I curled my hair for the game. It fell flat on the walk there.

DEFINITELY worth my time and effort.

 

Also! If anyone has been in Autzen, they know that it is much like being in a sardine can.

I was sandwiched between my father and a young, attractive man.

He said not one word to me. I think I must be VERY attractive to the opposite sex.

(I know that seems self-deprecating, IT IS A JOKE.)

 

After the game, my dad & I went to my Uncle's house.

We hung for a bit, but then my ma & I took off for a girls only night.

It was a swell time!

 

And then. It was Sunday.

The day Aunt Flow was scheduled to visit.

So what did I do? Well, I ate ALL OF THE THINGS.

A sausage omelet covered in gravy with hash browns & sourdough toast, a chocolate milkshake from Carl's Junior, AND an entire box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

In the drive thru.

SHAME.

Mac 'n' cheese. In my mouth.

 

I've clearly reached a low point in my weight loss journey.

Since Rosalie got pneumonia, I have been a laaaaazy lady. This past month has been rough stuff & I am up 10 pounds since ending my last Advocare cleanse.

Not good, peeps. Not good at all.

I mean, I haven't worked out in like 11 days. So I am back on the wagon, so help me God.

Here is proof: I left this morning and forgot my gym bag - so I flipped a bitch, went back to my apt. and retrieved it. TAKE THAT FORGETFUL MEMORY!

 

I am changing this attitude of mine.

I WILL NOT WEIGH 196 LBS.

 

Anyway, after I consumed a week's worth of calories, my girl finally got back from her dad's!

 

I was SO glad :)

 

After Walking Dead, I was in bed and fast asleep within seconds.

Pretty great weekend, if I do say so myself.

And now it is Monday. I'm in top form:

My morning selfie.

And although that may look like a hickey, it is actually a nice little burn I got from my straightener this morning!

WELCOME TO THE WEEK, MICHELLE.

 





 



 

 







The Last One.

This is it folks.
This is the last blog I'm going to post about my overwhelming sadness.
The last one I will mention my break up.
The last one that I will discuss Shawn.
That I will discuss our failed attempt at a life together.
Because I am turning a new leaf.
I have got to stop this identity crisis and start loving myself again. Because that is what this is.
Being with Shawn was a huge part of my identity & now being a part from him has become my identity. Who wants their identity to be broken hearted & bitter?
Show of hands....?
No one? Ok.

I had a huge ol' chat with my therapist yesterday and she told me my thinking was starting to become obsessive.
She's not wrong.
So here is what I implore all of you readers to do...

Keep me accountable!

 

What does this mean?

It means if I start going off the deep end, remind me that this is not who I am nor is the person I want to be.

It means when I cry, make me laugh.

When I sit & eat 15 chocolate cookies from Trader Joe's, make me work out.

When I listen to "Stronger" by Sarah Evans on repeat, turn.the.fucking.song.off.

But most of all, help me remember that my identity doesn't tie directly to anybody but myself.

And that is a beautiful thing.

 

Lastly - I've managed to convince myself that I'm a pretty worthless piece of shit.

But that happens when you go through what I did with my break up.

So (and laugh if you want), I'm starting some positive affirmations.

My therapist gifted me this little card yesterday & I think I'm going to carry it around until I believe it and until I do it.

 

Front

Back

 



This may seem silly to some (hell, it's kind of silly to me) - but I believe in the power of my mind and I WILL OVERCOME THIS.

I have no other choice.

 

So there you have it.

That's the last one.



How to be sexy when you eat a salad.

So sorry for the half-assed blogging this week - here's another one for you to sit back, read, and throw up at.

I've been working real hard to get my eating back on track.
It's been all over the place. The biggest culprit?
Sourdough toast with butter & bacon. Mmmmm bacon.
I don't know how much I weigh because honestly, I'm too afraid to hop on that bad boy.
But I've been mowing down on my big ass salads again. Here is proof:

Who says you can't be sexy when you eat?

Disclaimer: After I finished that salad I had dried balsamic salad dressing on my nose. And chin.

#hottieforlife

 

After another strenuous day at work (count down until my boss gets back: 3 days), I finally reunited with my bugaboo (and not Destiny Child's version).

I picked her up from S and we did a little grocery shopping & then came home to cook dinner.

For some reason Rosalie still doesn't know how to cook me food, so I slaved away over grilled cheese & roasted red bell pepper and tomato soup.

 

Mid way through her sandwich she asked if her toast had peanut butter on it.

I said no, it's cheese.

So she spat it out.

I'm obviously a chef.

Whatever, I thought it was gurrrreat.

 

After dinner, Rosalie took a luxurious bubble bath & then did some coloring:

 

She's quite the artist.

 

And no night would be complete without a reunion pic:

 

Don't mind the fake-cheeto in Rosalie's mouth.

Or that my right eye is closed.

WE'RE PRETTY.

 

Now here it is, 11:03 on a Thursday and I JUST snuck away to the bathroom to apply my make up.

It was obviously worth it.

 

Well. Other than all the above BS, nothing is really happening.

Hope you all have a fabulous day.

 





 



 





Butt sweat, You're, & Eating a Cupcake like a BOSS

SO. Where in the world was Michelle Hiskey yesterday?
In bed. All the live long day. Sufffffffffering like no human should suffer.
But I'm back in action today & I know you are all eternally grateful to read my musings once again.

Where to begin?
Let's just start with a picture I forgot to share with you all:

That right there is some butt sweat, Jed.

You know you have a good work out when your ass is sweating all over the equipment.

Much like you know you've eaten a good meal when food is all over your shirt.

(That is relevant Dev.)

 

Oh. Here's some insight into your local healthcare provider:

This woman is a nurse.

Hahaha, sorry Lame - I had to.

Also: can anyone find her other error??? <---This is a game for you Jacob.

 

Hmmm, what else have I got for you (bet you're really glad you tuned in for this piece of work). I like these shoes:

Since I no longer have a boyfriend/fiancé someone else will have to gift these to me for my birthday. Here's lookin' at you Ma! Size 7 ;)

Oh - and in case you can't read that, it's www.toms.com

 

I'm also obsessed with these...so is Niki:



When showing a friend these bad boys - this is what her response was:





Me: I love these Toms!!!!

Dev: Do you....?

Me: Yes! You don't......?

Dev: Are you gonna wear them while backpacking through Nepal with your life partner name Wind? Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiikeeeeee. No.

 

I'm clearly VERY stylish.

 

Moving on.

 

Rosalie is back! I haven't seen her yet, but she's back on my turf (Eugene).

Before my dad brought her back yesterday, they stopped at a farm. He took these cute pics:

I die at the cuteness too.

It's ok.

 

Even though I felt like death yesterday, I had to stop by Good Times to wish my friend Levi a very Happy Birthday. Here are some pics....

 

Niki & I took a selfie in the bathroom.

 

His mom is a GENIUS.

Sandwich the frosting for enjoyment in every bite.

Love it.

 



And that's pretty much the only photos I got last night.

I'm a prettttttty good friend/blogger.

 

Well this whole thing has been a hot mess. You're very, very welcome.

Happy Hump Day!