Why it's scary to move on from your ex-fiance.

Good morning party people.
You know when you're truckin' along like a champ & you hit a speed bump, fall down, bruise a couple ribs & then pick yourself back up?
WELCOME TO TUESDAY MORNING. THE WORST DAY OF THE WEEK.

Break-ups are hard. Weight loss is hard.
I'm going through hard times, peeps.
I think what's scaring me the most right now is that I'm starting to move on.
Isn't that the point, Michelle? To move on from S since you broke up?
Regardless of what the point is, I am bat shit crazy and TERRIFIED of moving on. Why? Because (& call me old fashioned - or just old), I believe in being with my baby daddy.
We made her together - we should raise her together. Unfortunately, that's not the way it is.
And I know bazillions of people do it errrrday and I can & WILL do it too.

Here is why I'm scared:
1. I'm happy again. I wake up in the morning & don't daydream about driving into oncoming traffic (really, not an exaggeration. You're welcome for the depressing honesty!).
2. My body is getting back to normal. I eat food again & it doesn't come skyrocketing out of my bumhole.
3. I'm not listening to "Roar" 900x a day. Although I am listening to "Drink You Away" 900x a day (beggars can't be choosers).
4. I think other boys are cute. Am I talking to them? EFF NO. They could break my heart, no thanks!
5. I'm only bitter like 65% of my days now.
6. I can imagine my life without S now without wanting to crawl back into bed.
7. I don't get as anxious when I have to see him. Or hear about him.
8. My dreams about him are starting to dwindle.
9. I can support myself! I can afford to take care of Rosalie. It's amazing. This is the most independent I have ever, ever been financially. And it is damn refreshing.
10. I am 100% capable of doing this by myself. I can cook dinner, do the dishes, give Rosalie a bath, play with her, read to her, put her to bed and all the other duties of a momma all.by.myself. I didn't think I was capable. Turns out, I'm a pretty good mom. With a partner or without.

SO. You're probably wondering why the hell this SCARES me.
Because it's letting go. It's setting him free. It's setting myself free.
It's learning to live without a person you never expected to live without.
And for some unknown reason, it is intimidating as hell.
Are there days when I'd give anything to be back together? Absolutely!
But at this point, there are more days where I am happy to be a part.

When I started typing this blog up I had no idea what I was going to write about.
Didn't expect all that to dump right out of my soul, but my little black heart does what it's gonna do.
Let's move on to the other parts of my life that aren't ultra screwed up...

First - I'm going to show you a super flattering picture (NOT). But this is (in my opinion) the worst part of my body:

Those tum-tum rolls!

 

I was wearing a skin-tight shirt to the gym yesterday (see above) and I was so uncomfortable with the way I looked that I stayed in the ladies locker room to lift weights.

That's not cool. I've lost 50lbs! I should not be shamed into the women's locker room.

Something to work on!

 

In other news, Niki made the BEST soup I've ever eaten:

 

 

Rosalie was a big help while we were cooking:

 

Not.

 

Anyway. Tonight Rosalie is with her father.

I am going to hang out with my friend Levi & I AM FINALLY GOING TO MEET CJ!

CJ is S's cousin (2nd cousin? whatever.) and we have never met! Watch out world.

 

Ok. Sorry for the rant/ramble.

Moral of the story: it's ok to move on from your ex & eat good soup.

 

Happy worst day of the week.