Michelle My Belle: The Ugly Truth

So as I was Keeking (michellehiskey5) at a stop light yesterday - don't freak out, mom, I was literally stopped for FIVE minutes - and I noticed my freaking sunglasses are CROOKED.
I guess that's what you get when you spring for the $5 Walmart special.

Crooked sunglasses & duck lips.

What more could Viggo Mortensen want in a woman?

When I got home Rosalie was napping, so I took the opportunity to whip up some spaghetti.

Auntie Misa (Marisa) stayed for dinner & we enjoyed spaghetti with ground turkey & corn noodles (GF) - I know how to be the hostess with the mostest. I even provided grapes (because I was too lazy to get salad).

Once Marisa ~~ditched us~~ left for Mecca (not the Holy City), I quickly changed into my PJ's.

I took some pics because I want to show you guys that I still have a LONG way to go.

I know I photograph myself pretty regularly for y'all, but I'm really good at hiding my problem areas and capturing my better angles.

So here it is - no hiding:

Frontal view. Not bad, but just you wait...

THERE IT IS!

My problem area: the tire that wraps all the way around my midsection.

Abs are made in the kitchen - and when your kitchen is stocked with things like Goldfish, Fig Newtons, & left over Blizzards you are rewarded with rolls upon rolls upon rolls.

And last but not least, back fat!!!!

I'm posting these because I don't want to mislead you.

I am not a person who carries their weight well. My stomach has lots of rolls, stretch marks & loose skin. And no, I can't blame all of that on Rosalie.

Because I was not healthy when I got pregnant. I was at my highest weight at the time (around 175) - eating whatever I wanted, drinking a lot, & not exercising.

Once I got pregnant, I felt like I could eat whatever the hell I wanted. AND I DID.

I was pregnant through summer & I lived right around the corner from Dairy Queen - a medium, chocolate ice cream/hot fudge sundae was a nightly staple.

When I went in to my last check up (about 5 days before Ro was born), I tipped the scale at 210 pounds. TWO HUNDRED AND TEN POUNDS.

I am 5'1'' on a good day folks. That's about 100 lbs. over a healthy weight for my height.

What I'm trying to say is I really, really, really jacked up my body.

Without surgical intervention my stomach will never be taut like Gisele's, my skin has completely lost its elasticity and my stretch marks run up my entire torso.

It ain't pretty. I don't know why I'm being so honest with you guys today (usually I am such a liar), but I wanted to be upfront. Yes, I've lost 45 lbs (58 lbs. since giving birth - JUST SAYIN'), but I am by no means a "thin" person. Not even a "fit" person.

People comment on my pics all the time - you look so skinny! you look so good! Which I love & appreciate & it motivates me, but it's not true.

Yet.

And let's be honest here folks - I don't want you to see me in person & be disappointed or think: damn, she does not look as good as I thought! :)

It's really hard to get over an addiction & I have an addiction to food.

Plain & simple.

And since my break up with my fiancé I have justified my choices - no one can judge a girl with a broken heart, right?

I guess it's just one more part of my journey - because I refuse to fail. I refuse to ever be 196 lbs. again or god forbid, 210 lbs.

So, hang in there with me peeps! It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Ok, let's get back to the fun stuff! Last night I popped some Kettle Corn for Ro & I (98% fat free, no worries). And this girl is obsessed with p-corn...just like her Gramma.

Getting the death glare from a 21 month old is hilarious.

We also read a lot of books. Like, a lot of books.

But who wouldn't want to read to the cutest girl in the world?

We went to bed around 9:30 and I fell asleep instantly.

But I woke up again in the middle of the night & never fell back asleep (where are we at with that Xanax?).

So I got myself out of bed & took the time to make an awesome, healthy breakfast. When I give myself enough time to eat a good, hearty breakfast in the morning I feel like my eating choices throughout the day are more successful.

Whole wheat bagel thin with peanut butter & banana, 1 egg & 1 egg-whites only with reduced-fat Mexican blend cheese, and a cup of coffee with sugar-free vanilla creamer.

I ate this at 7am & it's 11am now and I am just getting hungry again.

Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day - DON'T SKIP IT and add some protein!

Welp, it's Friday up in this joint and I could not be more pleased.

Tonight my parents are heading into town & tomorrow we are taking Rosalie to the beach for the first time! My aunt and uncle are joining us too, so it should be super fun. And I should have some amazeballs pics for y'all come Monday.

Let's just hope the weather ain't too shitty:

68 and rainy...welcome to the Oregon Coast, Ro!

Lunch today consists of soup & salad and it is HITTING the spot (btw, my blogs usually take me a while to write - when I posted that I wasn't hungry yet it was 11 now it is 12:10...I do try and do SOME work while at work).