Food.

Today I'm going to bitch about food.

But first I'm going to start with:

I. LOVE. FOOD.

Like, really really really love food.

Unfortunately, it loves me too. It loves my ass, my hips, my thighs, my 2nd and 3rd chin and the tire I have wrapping around my waist.

I know what I have to do when I try and lose weight. Yes, working out is helpful - but for me: it's about food. My eating habits have never been good and if I screw up, it's a slippery slope right back to 196.

It all started Friday. I ate Vietnamese food. BRING ON THE MSG! SODIUM! CARBS! OILS! FAAAATTT!!
And then? Let's stop at TCBY! Why the hell not?

Saturday was fine. Although I probably consumed close to 6 hundo cals. from alchie.

Sunday: Hung.Over. Hi, Red Robin! It's mighty fine to see you and your fries again!

Monday? Taco night at the "in-laws"! Let's throw a brownie into the mix and see what happens (FYI: diarrhea happens).

Tuesday...it was ok...minus the carbs.

WEDNESDAY? HOW ABOUT 2 SLICES OF PEPPERONI-SAUSAGE PIZZA AND A PIZZA "ROLL UP" (whatever the hell that is) FOR LUNCH? DON'T MIND IF I FREAKING DO!

You see where I'm going with this? I have a problem with food.

I weighed myself this morning (163.5). Luckily I have been putting in 2-a-days (gym time/Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred) - but it's not the point. I can work out and maintain these low 160s, but that's not what I'm striving for. I'm striving to be the best I can be and to look the best I've ever looked. I'm getting married for Christ sake! I have a kid that needs a healthy mom! I have a closet full of cute clothes just waiting to adorn my bangin' bod!

I'm here to tell you that no matter what - the fat girl will always live on. And if I give myself an inch (when it comes to food), I take a mile. It's a pathetic addiction. It's a HIGH. And then at the end of the day, all you're left with is greasy fingers and an overly full belly. 

I never thought this would be easy, but I never imagined it would be this hard. I know how good it feels to eat clean and work out and go to bed at night and rest easy because I've treated my body like a queen. I also know how bad it feels to be so miserable because you've stuffed yourself with LARD. I guess it's moments like these where you get another little wake-up call.

The hardest part is not punishing myself.
Not crying. Or wanting to puke it all up (which I have never done nor do I advocate this behavior, but it'd be a lie to say I've never thought about it). Or becoming so upset with yourself that you binge eat again.
I still have the rest of the day to be good and eat well and do what I know I need to do.
And I will, gentle readers, I will.

So...there's a little insight into the mind of a fatty.

^^Don't fret about that remark - luckily I still have a SH*T TON of motivation to do this and I know I will :) Just another part of the journey...

Until next time!