XYZ

Remember that saying?
XYZ?
eXamine Your Zipper!
Gosh! how funny.

My fly was down for a solid 40 minutes before I noticed it this morning.
Awesome.

In other news:

My mom came down last night - pretty late, she didn't get in to town until around 8pm.
Luckily she came bearing gifts: A new "Princess" movie (AKA Strawberry Shortcake) & a bottle of wine. It's like she knows me and Rosalie soooo welllllll. ;)

We met for lunch at Quiznos this afternoon where Rosalie proceeded to spill ice all over the floor & eat her weight in pickles.
I swear to God, that child is such a weirdo. I HATE PICKLES.
Once my mom & Ro got back to my house, Rosalie finally got her popsicle (she has been asking for one since she finished her popsicle yesterday).

What a doll.

 

Friday's at work are so lame.
The phone doesn't ring - I don't get any e-mails - And like, half the office isn't here (AHEM, JILL!).
So I usually mess around on Facebook all day.
Luckily Justin Timberlake had a little present waiting for all of us this morning:

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT

I've listened to it...ohhhhh...900x?

 

There was some witty banter that also ensued between a few of us, as well.

You've probably seen it (not).

But I had a great one liner that I'd like to share:

 

Erik Miller I'm not hurt, I just think it's silly to bitch about my being a black mark on your life. That's like sticking your hand in the garbage disposal and being surprised when you pull out a bloody stump.
YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

2 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1

 

Michelle Hiskey hahahaha Erik...really? comparing yourself to something as useful as a garbage disposal? please.

2 hours ago · Like · 1

 

The highlighted part is the part I wanted to share.

I bet you're all really happy I did.

 

Moving on............

 

A few weeks back my boss pulled me into the office to tell me I'm doing a great job & gave me a $25 gift card to www.zappos.com (he clearly doesn't know about the blogging...or anything else I do...).

SO!

I went on to the site - I had never been there - and everything costs about 1 million dollars.

But I remembered, I really need want a plain black pair of flip flops, and I have always wanted a pair of Havaianas.

They arrived today. Which made me happy.

I know...that was some big news.

 

What else is going on...hmmm....

Still healing. Still licking those open wounds.

I move a week from today & I've started packing my stuff.

It's so bizarre.

I was sitting outside last night, looking up at my place. Shawn and I moved in 3 months ago.

And we wanted to stay there for a few years until we could buy a place of our own.

We wanted to get married next year and had found the perfect spot.

And now, that's all gone.

It's like that neat trick you see in movies: the table is set with beautiful crystal glasses and fine china & the waiter comes and in one swift motion, pulls the table cloth right out from underneath everything.

 

That's kind of where I'm at right now.

I don't really like to be alone...so Sarah is coming over tonight to hang out with Rosalie and I.

It's just nice to have someone else along for the ride.

 

Hope you kids have a fantastic weekend.

 

 

Perk up, Buttercup!

I'm going to take it in another direction today.
Let's lighten up around here, folks - yes, when your heart hurts you tend to focus on it.
(If by focus, you mean obsess...)
SO - today I'm going to talk about things that make me unbelievably happy :)

Like.......

The fact that I can wear tank tops again and not feel like shamu (sorry Kim K.)

 

That Rosalie made this face when I told her to smile.

 

That Rosalie loves to imitate momma <3

 

That I get to love on this presh little BB

 

That Pinterest exists.

 

That my momma is coming tonight!

 

That this man can soothe any soul.

It's Neil Young, dumbies :)

 

That Duck football kicks off in like, 50 days.

 

That this stuff makes my face look like a million bucks.

 

That this shirt finally fits right!

 

But most of all...I am so insanely happy to spend time with my beautiful daughter.

Never take your children for granted...

 

 

 

Happy Friday Eve!



 

 

 

 

 

One Day at a Time

OK y'all.
Some of you are just stalkers (JK). Some of you are friends. Some of you are family.
But here's the thing: If you've come within a 20 ft. radius of me OR I have your phone number, you've probably experienced a number of things:

1. Crying. And I mean howling sobs that make me look like a wounded shape-shifter in the Twilight series (yeah WHATEVER, I read them, ok? AND saw the movies, sue me). I mean, we're talking snot dripping-mascara running-splotchy face-ugly Kim Kardashian crying.

2. A roller coaster/tidal wave of UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN. It's like for 25 minutes, I am as normal as I can possibly be (what is normal, anyway?). AND THEN BOOM. Watch out, Hurricane Katrina (too soon?) is on her way & scary/mad/sad/sadistic/freaky Michelle is here! HOLLA.

3. Frequent trips to the bathroom. Enough said.

4. Questions. God, I am asking sooooo many questions. Blah? Blah? Blah? You've heard them. We've all been asked them. Enough with the questioning - it's DRIVING ME BATTY.

5. Fear. I'm terrified. Scared all the time. It's like the boogie man is living under my bed. I'm pretty much in a continual state of panic. Awesome.

The list could go on. But honestly, I am having a hard time being creative & funny with it.
I guess y'all are S.O.L.

The thing is, is there will always be tears when you hurt.
You will feel so unlike yourself when you are experiencing loss.
You will have violent diarrhea when your stomach is in constant knots.
You will question whether this is the best decision even when you know that you're doing the right thing.
You will be afraid when you are making such a life-altering choice. And you don't know any different.

I keep asking how I will accept this. How can I possible accept that it's over?
You know the answer?
TIME.
But here's a fun little twist to the whole TIME thing:
I have got to take it one day at a time.
Ay yi yi, I am dying over here!

In conclusion (because this is an 8th grade English paper) - I know that all things must pass.
I don't know a lot of things. And things I thought I knew weren't true at all.
So, please, dear friends, bear with me. I promise some day, this won't be so consuming and I'll be able to talk about the Ducks vs. Tennessee or the new Nordstrom Rack or the boy you think is really cute.
But until then: thank you for your unconditional love & support.
I need it now, more than ever.

Moving Out & Up

Hollaback.

Welp, I've found a place to move.
And it's happening next Friday.
Isn't that wild?
Funny the way life is.

Everyday is getting like, .0000001% better.
But I've reverted a tad:

No mascara.

No make-up.

 

I'm eating again though & have gained back 4 lbs. That makes me 152 lbs.

I'm glad because I don't want to lose weight by not eating.

That's unhealthy and will never stay off in the long run.

However, I don't want to look like this anymore:

 

Which means, after 2 months of relationship turmoil ending in a break up, I have been a lazy beez about the gym.

Today: I WILL GET MY BUTT BACK IN THERE.

Rachel took some action pics of Jake & I ponging over the weekend & I looked like a beast.

I'm ready to look like this:

Perfectly attainable goal.

Right...?

 

Anyway, I begin the packing process tonight.

Luckily Sarah will be coming over to help me (AKA perking me up/stealing my clothing).

Rosalie is with her dad & I pick her up tomorrow night at 7:30.

Unfortunately, she slept in and I didn't get to say bye to her this morning before I left for work.

But I have amazeballs babysitters; Niki sent me some cute pics to get me through my day.

 

Lol - Action shot!

Rosalie is obsessed with that baby :)

 

MELTS MY FREAKING HEART

 









So. There you have it.
I'm moving out.
And up the scale.
Things are going well ;)

Until next time.

Jahk West: Grown Woman & Gone, Baby, Gone

This weekend Rosalie was with her dad so I went up to PDX to say goodbye to a dear friend of mine:

Not the handsome feller on the left.

Not the cute pup on the bottom.

The guy passed out on the couch.

 

Now, I'm the first to admit it: I don't like to "stay in touch."

SO. MUCH. EFFORT.

Luckily, Jake & I get that about each other & are able to pick up right where we left off.

Even months later.

So the last time I saw Jake was in February right after I got engaged (awkward). To say the least, I was not in HIGH spirits, but as the weekend continued my mood was lifted by good friends, good food, and good conversation.

I think I only cried like 3 times. Yay.

Friday night was quiet & was spent outside enjoying a fire & a few drinks.
Saturday morning, Rachel made us breakfast. Then we got started.
Brandon & I bopped down to Fred Meyer and Jake & Rach headed to the Farmers Market/Fruit Stand/Mexico? and brought back a million dollars worth of excellent produce.
Nope - I didn't take any pics...maybe because Jake & I poured a drink around 1pm. #noshame
We were delegated specific tasks by Chef Rachel and Jake & I were responsible for a trifle & the guac. I am proud to say that the party goers devoured them both.

After everyone started arriving at Rachel & Eric's, Big Carly came out in full force.
What is Big Carly?
Anybody here a fan of Coach? I have the little Carly and Rach has the big Carly.
So obviously, 4-5 years ago, Jake & I decided that Big Carly would be an excellent Beer Pong team name.
We've kept our end of the deal (with Coach) and have brought great honor to the name Big Carly.

Big Carly reigned supreme.

We also didn't drink beer & filled the cups with water.

Because we're old now.

 

It was a great night filled with beautiful people and beautiful friends.

I snapped some pics of a few of us (AKA took selfies with other people in them):

 

I believed I hash tagged halo for this one.

Still fitting.

 

My perfect man.

If only he liked girls :-/

 

Lame & I.

She's gorg, I know.

 

And that's pretty much all the pictures I took.

But notice I'm wearing mascara again!

Things are looking up.

 

Marisa & I made the drive from PDX to Eugene last night.

Shawn dropped Rosalie off & we hung out with Niki & Marisa.

It was a good night, overall.

 

Back to MONDAY, MONDAY.

Luckily I got this cute top yesterday (size M) so at least I feel kind of pretty:

 



Can't you tell by my facial expression?

 

It's longer in the back, so it'll be good with leggings too.

Oh! Remember how I told y'all I wasn't eating?

Yeah. That came to an abrupt halt yesterday.

I had pizza.

And Burgerville.

And it was GURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT.

 

Back to the daily grind.

Hope I find you all happy & healthy. 

 



A Woman's Worth

Where do us womenz get our worth from?
I think the typical answer is men.
(Or whatever sex your attracted to.) (I am so awesomely PC.) (That stands for politically correct.)
So when you are no longer with the person who gave you validation, your self-worth goes crashing down.
Among other reasons.

It's a tricky thing, ladies. Being comfortable in your own skin.
Feeling beautiful in your own skin.
Especially when you have to be the one to look in the mirror & say "damn girl, you look good".
It's not like that's going to get you laid.
But it might make you feel just a little bit more in control of your worth.
For like, a nano-second.
But embrace that nano-second & hang on tight.

(This still feels totally bazaar to say:) Being a single mom, I have to set an example for my little girl.
I can't sit around & cry in front of her or feel ugly &/or worthless (read: all of the above).
I've got to pull my shit together.
I have to (wait for it...) SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT.

You're welcome.

You know - I have a lot of good friends. I always have.
I have an amazingly supportive family.
And I have this little girl who brings light to my life.
THERE is my worth.
Now, I just to have to remember that.
When I feel blue - or am crying - or just feel like I'll never be happy again - I have to remember my worth.
My Auntie Joan said something to me yesterday that rang true - Try and look at yourself the way other people see you.
That got me thinking...how do people see me?

Short? Check.
Loud? Check.
Hilarious? CHECK.
Strong? Check.
Awesome taste in music? Duh.
^^^In all reality, I know that people see me differently from how I see myself.
What I project on the outside isn't necessarily what is happening on the inside.
But if I can hold on to the reins & let who I am on the exterior become who I am on the interior, I think I could be pretty proud of that person.

One of my favorite songs is by The Allman Brothers Band (people, Nicki Minaj is not music. Go listen to something worthwhile) is Soulshine:

"He used to say soul shine, it's better than sunshine

It's better than moonshine, damn sure, better than rain

Hey, now people don't mind, we all feel this way sometimes

You got to let your soul shine, shine 'til the break of day."

 

Very fitting. Right?

(all in unison, now) RIGHT!

 

So. In light of self worth, I've taken the liberty (again) to photograph myself in the bathroom at work (it's really amazing I still have a job).

 

Still not wearing make up.

No judgement.

 

Got a pedicure yesterday.

Not all that glitters is gold.

 

Got some gel polish done too.

BECAUSE I WAS TREATING MYSELF.

Lay off!

 

In love with these shorts.

Just don't go spend $50 on them at Kiki La Rue.

They have them at Ross for like $13.

#fail #mommaneedsatan

 

Anyway folks, if you need me, I'll be over here trying to find my self-worth again.

Hope everyone had a happy & safe 4th of July.

 

 

 



The Break Up

Well. I was MIA from Facebook & now I'm back.
I was MIA from this blog & now I'm back.
I've been MIA from life (I feel), but now I'm trying to get back.

I wrote a blog a week or so ago & deleted it because I thought things might change.
But they didn't.

I'm not trying to get attention or ask for sympathy or be a bitch by writing this today.
This little blog has become like a diary, if you will.
Count me out as the new Taylor Swift - I'm not trying to air my dirty laundry.
BUT: Shawn & I broke up.

There are lots & lots & lots of details...but I guess it's really nobody's business.
You guys...
I am so sad.
Every moment of every day.

Does anybody remember Valentines Day 2013?
I do.
Shawn asked me to marry him & now I sit here on July 3, 2013 & I have lost everything.
My best friend, my fiancé, my first & only love, my partner, my lover, and the father of my child.
My everything.

People keep telling me I'm so strong & it's for the best.
Well excuse me, but they're WRONG.
No one is strong when it comes to this shit.
This is the weakest I've ever felt in my life.
I keep waking up in the morning, like, ok! Today is the day I'm going to be FINE!
NOPE.

I don't even bother with mascara anymore - there is no freaking point.

Wow - this is a really sad post. I'm sorry!
I hope that I can get back to normal some day...
Be Michelle again. Probably not the same Michelle.
Hopefully a stronger, happier, healthier Michelle.
Or I'll just be a raging alcoholic with a walking stick to hit people that piss me off with.
Time will tell.

In other news - I weigh 148.
Ya'll I am here to tell you - you wanna drop weight fast?
BREAK UP WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.
You won't ever be hungry again! Yay.
In all reality, I just can't even make myself eat, it's so weird.
I even bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's yesterday (the low-fat kind)...I ate some and it came right back out of me.
BLAH.
This sucks.

Shawn did give me the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I will forever be grateful for that.
My beautiful, smart, silly, sweet, kind, stubborn little girl.
She makes my heart heal just a little bit everyday.
I don't know where I'd be with out her.

I'll leave you with some pics of us, to show you that I am still managing to get out of bed in the morning.

What a little beauty.

 

So fly.

 

This was taken to emulate a pic my friend Jake took.

But I love her little feeties.

 

And then here's Rosalie.

Looking 18. WTH?

 

Well ladies & gents.

That's it...

If you believe in God, pray for me.

If you don't, keep me in your thoughts.

 

Until next time.